News Break: the iPhone solves fertility issues for all...

Drake and I are a little behind the ball in prepping for Operation Get Knocked Up Take 2. We still haven't picked out a donor but I imagine that white guys will be in abundance and it won't be as difficult as finding a 6" tall Asian guy with a PhD who'd like to donate some frozen swimmers to us at a premium.

Drake did inform me that she downloaded the "iPeriod" application onto her iPhone for $4 whole dollars yesterday and she'll be tracking her fertility and cycles that way. I personally would like to see somebody create an "iGOT-KNOCKED-UP" application for the iPhone which magically fertilizes your eggs and then implants them into your uterus... for the groovy price of $4.00. I mean... the iPhone seems to take care of EVERYTHING else. I say GET TO IT, Steve Jobs!!!

I was also informed that she did a little math and figured out she has an average of a 33 day cycle. "How on earth do you know this?" I politely inquired. Well DUH -she's been calendaring Aunt Flo's visits dating back to 2002!! Gee... do you think this little offspring will be Type A, much? WOW!!!

We will likely be researching a donor in the next coming weeks along with a new clinic to visit because Drake is/was no more impressed with the Hades Clinic than I was and we'd like to start this off with a clean, fresh and unbittered state. More updates to come! Stay tuned!!!

Operation Knock-Up Plan B launch

"Operation Knock-Up" Plan B has officially been launched. On Jan. 1rst Drakey started taking prenatal vitamins. It was circa Jan. 11th that I learned what a monumental occasion this was for her when she painstakingly revealed her fears and anxieties at this feat in the form of grilling me on the "side affects" of ingesting prenatals. Vitamins, Ladies and well... let's be honest, Ladies. V I T A M I N S!!!

D - "BUT HOW LONG WILL MY FINGER NAILS GROW???? WILL I HAVE TO MONITOR THEIR GROWTH DAILY?"

E - "um... no. prenatals are awesome. you'll never get sick again and you may notice that you have to clip your nails a little bit more often. no biggie, i swear. oh, but you'll have to use dog clippers instead of human nail clippers. it's just a thing. all breeders-in-the-making are doing it. and all future nail filling will neccesitate an ironing board and a rasp. you know... to be on the safe side."

D - "AND WHAT ABOUT MY HAIR???? WILL IT GROW? YOU KNOW... Like... EXCESSIVELY?"

E - "Yes Dear. Like Rapunzel. And I'll be down at the ground floor of the tower waiting to collect it for you. Good thing you're not inherently top heavy."

and so step 1 of MANY is launched semi-successfully. To Health, BABIES and Prenatal Vitamins!!!

All Systems A GO

The baton has been tossed.

All systems are a go.

Due to work schedules (and the other logical Type A things that we work out in our lives that measure children over priorities, or are they both???? blah blah blah) we are targetting a Knock Up procedure on STBYPPN (Sucks To Be You Patient Plan B) around the March month-ish. Stay tuned for some updates on that. And JESUS TITS I can personally garauntee that the pregancy story on Drakey... aka "SHIT NO I DON'T EVER FEEL THE NEED TO REPRODCUCE" will be quite entertaining. And I intend to document it ALL... of course from the perspective of:

1: pride
2: more pride
3: respect (oh, and that fucking stinks; sorry...btw)
4: holy shit!
5: well, that's cool
6: SwEET Jesus I'm glad I didn't have to do that!
7: well... pride still... I guess.
8: sucks to be you!
9: what? you want me to pick that up??? HA HA HA!!!

We'll leave 10 as a mystery!

I've been with her for 14+ years and I can't imagine this being anything BUT the best gift she has ever ever ever ever ever ever ever given me in my entire life. for that matter, that ANYBODY has given me in my entire life. oh wait... I REALLY dug those hotwheels!!!! but shit... I digress. What an absolute blessing. I am grateful that we have two opportunities. I am sad that I didn't happen for me. But so what??? SWEET JESUS this WILL HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!