Day 9 DPO and no symptoms other than my overall IQ seemed to have dropped dramatically in the past few days resulting in a mindlessness so severe that I would feel desperately sorry for myself if I could actually muster up that much thought.
So... no real symptoms but I did receive a sign from the Universe, in case I wasn't sounding appealing enough from that first paragraph. You see, I don't recall if I blogged about this or not but the month that I did actually achieve pregnancy, I had lost about 300 eye lashes in the days leading up to my positive test result. No joke! Those suckers were dropping off of my face like crazy and I was catching most of them and making wish after wish after wish. Never mind that I looked like an android with no eyelashes afterwards... it was a much needed and important well of wishes that came my way so I took full advantage. Which leads me to my current day situation. Yesterday we were driving along in the lesbian soccer mom car and drake noticed a lady bug on the dash board above the passenger's seat. I screamed "MAKE A WISH, FAST!" and we did. THEN, (and this is the creepy part) about an hour later, we had to swing by home to pick up a gift before going to see our friend's newborn baby and drake ran into the house real quick to grab the present and came out saying... "holy shit, we have a lady bug infestation!" There were like 6 lady bugs all along the door panel to our front door. I shouted "SHUT UP AND MAKE A WISH!" ... and we did. I was ecstatic. Surely this is a VERY lucky and good sign from the universe. There is NO other explanation for it. Secondly, I got to hold and coo at and smell the head of a 2 day old baby which supposedly is always good for the fertility factor. Something about pheromones, maybe? Lastly, Doc Grumbles dressed up like The Fertility Fairy and sprinkled me with invisible fairy dust. I'll take it! Thanks for thinking of me!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
it finally turned blue
Today marks the end of the "peeing on stick" phase and the transition into "sit on my ass and wait" phase. My eggs didn't get swallowed up in my vile illness last week after all and I appear to be preparing to ovulate sometime in the next 24ish hours. As for my body, well, that's all cleansed out and pristine now; as if somebody came and pressure washed all of my organs, so perhaps my near death experience last week will be fortune-fated in the end. Yes? Tonight I plan on lighting some candles and then doing a head stand in between them and stay posed like that for an hour or so to let gravity do it's thing. I figure with all that blood rushing to my head, it will likely put me into a state of intoxified stupidity which is how many (many, NOT all) babies are conceived in the first place so why not simulate? Without getting into too much graphic detail, there is NOTHING else about my body that tells me that I am fertile today. NOTHING!!! So perhaps I may have to reconsider that egg trick I mentioned last month. I tell ya, after puking up scrambled eggs for 9 hours, I'm pretty confident that I won't be eating eggs ever again for my entire life, so why not put them to another use? ah - what the hell.
I will report back on any mishaps or tragically comical incidents that may occur during the @ Home Experiment - Take 2.
Wish me good luck.
I will report back on any mishaps or tragically comical incidents that may occur during the @ Home Experiment - Take 2.
Wish me good luck.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
i done peed my pants
I peed my pants today at work.
Yup. Give that a little white space to let it sink in. Not in the traditional sense of how one might pee their pants, mind you. There was no instance of violent or urgent laughter that makes you squirt a little out nor was there any incident of being stuck in traffic with a full bladder and a piercing pain streaking through my groin. Nope, this was strictly a non-traditional, card-carrying attempted breeder only style of pissing one's pants. I'll explain why, but first it would be helpful to know a little history. You see, I've trisected my months into cute little blocks or stages all related to where I am in the fertility cycle at that time. That's just how pathetic this whole business has become. I have the AF and egg bloating stage when I take my little pills to make them grow big and fluffy. Then I have the pissing on sticks stage, which usually lends to the sit on your ass, freak out and wait stage once the junk has gone in. It's all very lovely and you, too, can improve your life drastically I'm sure by embracing this tri-cyclical sanity-smashing crap as I do. So... I'm currently in the pissing on stick stage and so I'm doing my business today and I was peeing so nice and neatly and straight in one line and it was all going surprisingly well and THEN i went to remove the stick from under my thingie and when I removed it, a large drop of pee accidentally dripped off and landed in my pants!!! right on the crotch! and I'm not a big fan of underwear generally so there was none of that to break the fall. so i was immediately like... "OH NO - FUCK SHIT DAMN! PEE IN MY PANTS! PEE IN MY PANTS!!!" which was immediately followed by a symphony of demons that leaped straight out of my head and started dancing circles around the bathroom stall, pointing and laughing at me, mocking my disaster. So I'm walking around with a blot of pee in my pants and I'm none to happy about it.
On another front, the big box of junk arrived this week and it's just sitting there waiting for my pee sticks to tell me that it's time. I'm hoping we didn't order it too early and end up having to send it back. Those fuckers cost $275 JUST FOR THE SHIPPING!!!!!!! which is obviously non-refundable. I'm a bit concerned because I was struck with a bout of poisoning this week which ultimately had me laid up in the clinic with an IV saline drip and anti-naseau meds after vomiting and spewing (from other parts) for 9 hours straight. I have NEVER in my LIFE been that ill before and it lasted roughly 4 days so I'm wondering if my eggs shrunk or spontaneously bursted in all of the commotion. Surely that kind of racking of the body and fasting for 72 hours couldn't be helpful in terms of maintaining a stable and consistent ovulation cycle. So we shall see.
Yup. Give that a little white space to let it sink in. Not in the traditional sense of how one might pee their pants, mind you. There was no instance of violent or urgent laughter that makes you squirt a little out nor was there any incident of being stuck in traffic with a full bladder and a piercing pain streaking through my groin. Nope, this was strictly a non-traditional, card-carrying attempted breeder only style of pissing one's pants. I'll explain why, but first it would be helpful to know a little history. You see, I've trisected my months into cute little blocks or stages all related to where I am in the fertility cycle at that time. That's just how pathetic this whole business has become. I have the AF and egg bloating stage when I take my little pills to make them grow big and fluffy. Then I have the pissing on sticks stage, which usually lends to the sit on your ass, freak out and wait stage once the junk has gone in. It's all very lovely and you, too, can improve your life drastically I'm sure by embracing this tri-cyclical sanity-smashing crap as I do. So... I'm currently in the pissing on stick stage and so I'm doing my business today and I was peeing so nice and neatly and straight in one line and it was all going surprisingly well and THEN i went to remove the stick from under my thingie and when I removed it, a large drop of pee accidentally dripped off and landed in my pants!!! right on the crotch! and I'm not a big fan of underwear generally so there was none of that to break the fall. so i was immediately like... "OH NO - FUCK SHIT DAMN! PEE IN MY PANTS! PEE IN MY PANTS!!!" which was immediately followed by a symphony of demons that leaped straight out of my head and started dancing circles around the bathroom stall, pointing and laughing at me, mocking my disaster. So I'm walking around with a blot of pee in my pants and I'm none to happy about it.
On another front, the big box of junk arrived this week and it's just sitting there waiting for my pee sticks to tell me that it's time. I'm hoping we didn't order it too early and end up having to send it back. Those fuckers cost $275 JUST FOR THE SHIPPING!!!!!!! which is obviously non-refundable. I'm a bit concerned because I was struck with a bout of poisoning this week which ultimately had me laid up in the clinic with an IV saline drip and anti-naseau meds after vomiting and spewing (from other parts) for 9 hours straight. I have NEVER in my LIFE been that ill before and it lasted roughly 4 days so I'm wondering if my eggs shrunk or spontaneously bursted in all of the commotion. Surely that kind of racking of the body and fasting for 72 hours couldn't be helpful in terms of maintaining a stable and consistent ovulation cycle. So we shall see.
Monday, October 6, 2008
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