Bigger than Chuck Norris' Testicles

Today is CD 12. I went in for a scheduled ultrasound to measure my follicles at 7am (A.K.A. "the ass crack of dawn")this morning. Drake did not come with me like she usually does because how many times do you really need to see the same ole' picture, right? And it was 7am. Usually I do these Day 12 ultrasounds on Day 13 because well... who ovulates on Day 12 anyway?

Apparently I do.

I only had two eggs visible today. One on each side but that right side puppy was frickin' ENORMOUS! Bigger than Chuck Norris' balls, I swear it! and I should know'; you know...

So the egg/follicle measured 24 nano-buckets or some shit like that so they called Dr. Dumbass (yah; she's new, in case you haven't heard her name mentioned before in this blog) in to "consult" me on what I should do. So I'm waiting. and waiting. and I'm feeling a little bored so I pulled my underwear off which was a little uncomfortable from the recent invasion with the magic wand and I placed them over my head and started doing the chicken dance. With only my top on, mind you. Oh - and flip flops. And then Dr. Dumbass came in and rudely interrupted my routine and exclaimed brightly "Well well... YOU HAVE A MATURE FOLLICLE!" and I brightly shot back, "Well no shit Sherlock! I've got the MOTHER LOAD growing in there is what I've got!" Truth is, I thought I had been feeling a little tipsy turvy leaning to the right hand side every time I was upright lately. Walking a little funny and such. This explains it! I've got a gynormous egg throwing off my balance in that right ovary. Anyway... Dr. Dumbass then proceeds to ask me if I brought my LH shot with me. And I responded, politely mind you, "well, sure as shit I brought my shot but WTF? Isn't that bomb gonna drop today? Is there even time for a shot?? Shouldn't I just go and get jacked up with sperm now?" and Dr. Dumbass kinda looked at me like I just graduated Cum Laude from an Ivy League Medical School and then nodded her head in slow motion and said... well, yah, it is awfully mature. Maybe we should do that. Yah. Rocket Science, Ladies and Gentlemen.
R O C K E T S C I E N C E!!!

So, I went out to the lobby of the building feeling pretty shocked and proud of my over achieving egg follicles and made an appointment to come back at 9am to do my insemination. I was a little thrown off when I had to answer a lot of questions that apparently Drake always answers on my behalf about things like "what's your last name?" and "who is your insurance carrier and do they cover it?" and verifying date of birth and what not. It was pretty wild but I think I got through it without delivering too much false information.

So, SURPRISE Insem day! I went back home and fetched my wife and made us a plate of eggs and then headed back out to the clinic. Dr. Wild Bill performed the procedure. I *really* like Dr. Wild Bill. He's so nice. and NORMAL and wishes us good luck and all that stuff you'd think other doctors would do but don't. Alas, another round begins.